How do you feel when friends whose marriage seemed so strong, secure, and happy suddenly want to divorce? Most likely a real shock. But the fact is that parting almost never happens “suddenly” – usually it is preceded by years of omissions, mistakes, and problems. What are these mistakes and how can they be avoided?
1. CONSTANT REPROACHES
One of the partners often says privately or publicly, even in a joking manner, what did the other do wrong? This is an alarming sign. Yes, a loved one probably sometimes makes mistakes and hurts you, but constantly reminding him of this is a road to nowhere. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment (if accusations sound publicly) – it is impossible to live with this burden for a long time.
2. DISCUSSING YOUR PERSONAL LIFE WITH FRIENDS
It would seem, and who else can complain about a partner if not friends? The fact that he (a) “always sits on the phone / is late at work/visits parents too often”. Or that you haven’t had sex in ages. Or, even worse, that your partner cheated on you.
However, if you tell everyone about what is happening, you can drive yourself into a trap, and the problem will no longer be solved. Well, how to stay with a man to whom you yourself have forgiven infidelity, but whom you previously managed to complain about to all your friends?
3. JOKES ABOUT YOUR PARTNER
No matter how harmless your jokes are, they most likely hurt a loved one, or at least embarrass. Even if it seems to you that you are loving it.
4. EXPECTING YOUR LOVED ONE TO READ YOUR MIND
The modern generation knows a lot about the importance of direct, honest and frank conversations and voicing their desires. However, many are still convinced that the partner should guess everything himself, especially “after so many years of relationship!” This is a very immature and infantile position.
Your partner is not a fortune teller or psychic, he or she does not have a myelophon. If you want something, if something bothers you or is missing something, just say so.
The failure of a marriage is rarely the result of a single “natural disaster.” Usually the lingering “bad weather”, a snowball of mistakes and misunderstandings are to blame. And the way out is obvious – high-quality communication.
- A conversation from the “I” -position – without accusations and attacks. Regular discussions of what is happening in pairs. Ability to recognize your feelings and articulate desires.
It would seem a simple truth, but in practice, many neglects it. Remind yourself and your partner of this more often. Work on the relationship – and then you will not be afraid of any “suddenly”.