In the first weeks or months after the meeting, you could not get enough of each other. Smiled when they heard the sound of a new message. They flew on a date as if on wings and melted from every touch. Time has passed: now it seems to you that the relationship has become more insipid. How to awaken vivid emotions and recreate a romantic atmosphere?
Life goes on as usual, relationships go through ups and downs, but in general you can say that everything between you is “like everyone else.” Of course, you love your partner – he is so dear! And yet, admit it, sometimes you really want to feel in love again, return marital sex to its former sharpness, look at a person with delight and surprise and kiss for a long time on a walk, in a car or on an escalator.
In fact, it is possible. Moreover, it is very beneficial for relationships. In a situation of conflict or distance, which, alas, happens in every couple, the memories of these positive moments will not allow irritation, anger or resentment towards the partner to take over.
You can use one of the popular techniques of psychotherapists and pretend that you are in love again. Fool the brain, and these imaginary experiences will help trigger the same processes in the body that trigger real feelings.
Other factors that help revitalize relationships are feelings of newness and feelings of surprise. When we live together too long, it seems to us that the person next to us is well known and predictable. But this is an illusion – after all, people are capable of surprising even themselves all their lives. We all still have something to discover in others and in ourselves. To do this, you need to feel the boundaries of the personality of each of us.
At the beginning of a relationship, we strive to connect with a partner, and then “I + You” turns into “We”. It is pleasant to dissolve in a joint space, but at the same time we risk ceasing to perceive ourselves, as well as the other, as separate individuals. It sounds paradoxical, but in order to be together again, you need to feel the border. Where is he and where are you?
Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy, called it “border-contact.” It is on this segment, in his opinion, that our real meeting with another takes place. Simply put, in order to revive a relationship, sometimes you need to step out of the We state and notice the differences between you. After all, if you are one whole, then with whom should you fall in love?
HOW TO REFRESH YOUR SENSES?
1. Liberation from negativity
Minor grievances, the “after taste” of previous quarrels, and omissions can accumulate for years and form a wall between you. Our psyche is arranged like this: keeping negative feelings inside us, we do not allow positive feelings to manifest themselves. Find the right moment and be honest and open about your feelings. The conversation can be difficult, but if you can hear each other, you will feel relief. This should make room for the expression of love and tenderness.
2. Practice “But …”
Each of us has our own shortcomings. And we somehow notice them more than dignity. And of course, we see them more clearly in the other, and not in ourselves. Try to remember at least one “plus” for every “minus” noticed in your partner during the week. “He throws socks around the room, but he makes us breakfast on Sundays.” “She is constantly late, but she never harasses me with jealousy.”
Another way to reduce negativity and clear room for falling in love is to practice gratitude. Each evening for two weeks, write down — preferably by hand — for what you are grateful for. Perhaps tired, he listened to your complaints about a difficult project in the evening, covered you with a blanket when you fell asleep, or bought your favorite yogurt.
Remember the park where you walked on your first date? What perfume did you wear on the day he first kissed you? Call on memories for help and mentally travel back to those times when you were recklessly in love.
What attracted you then, what did you particularly like about your partner? Sound of a voice or a look? Any special words, laughter? Intelligence, charm, charisma? This is the same person, in him and now there is everything that once made your heart beat faster. Try to notice it again!
5. Digital detox
How often are you alone, alone, without being distracted at this time by instant messengers, work mail, calling colleagues or relatives, a news program? “Digital detox” is needed not only for each individual, but also for a couple. Try to turn off gadgets, especially during joint breakfasts and dinners, on a walk, and even more so when you are in bed.
6. Sincere attention
What are the most common complaints of both men and women who have been married for many years? Inattention to the second half. When a person is next to us every day, we take it for granted. In the hustle and bustle, we put off for later a heart-to-heart conversation, asking about how he is doing at work. We don’t notice that he is sad or agitated by something. Haste and everyday affairs are and always will be. But do not forget to look each other in the eye, ask questions with genuine interest, and find time for other expressions of attention.
Join hands on a walk, hug a loved one – just like that, because you are near, – kiss him … This is at least pleasant for you and him. Listen to how your body responds to touch and kiss. Perhaps you will feel that the passion that was once between you has not disappeared at all. She is asleep and can still be awakened.
8. Joint activities
The best way to discover new things in each other is during joint activities. Nordic walking, joint cooking, board games or elite cactus farming – look for something fun to do together.
9. The surprise effect
The surprise effect helps to break out of the routine and feel a surge of emotions. And here you can not do without a creative approach. The most obvious option is to leave the kids with their grandmother and ask your other half on a date.
It will be very nice if you order flowers delivery or give a gift for no reason – just the one that will delight your loved one. And you can also throw your favorite chocolate or a note with a declaration of love in his or her bag before working day.
If you feel the urge to refresh your feelings and fall in love with your partner again, do not put it off until later. Listen to yourself and take action.